MERCILESS | 04. REASON UNTOLD

mark x jinyoung

CHAPTER 4 – REASON UNTOLD

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Jinyoung swears he never addicted to mobile phone this much before Mark came into his life. That boy obviously changes the way he lives; at least making him never leave his phone. Why? Because – permit you to roll eyes during he explains – the older always calls him after his practice over. And during the day, load of sweet messages were sent to him although he didn’t reply anything back. Mark never give up.

‘Miss you already.’
‘What about lunch? I’ll pick you up at class.’
‘Sleepy. Don’t get any teacher’s word.’
Load of cutie stickers
‘Hey! don’t only read. Reply me too!’
‘Jinyoung-ah ~ don’t be too mean.’
‘Miss you again’

It’s been like this for two months.

Jinyoung literally goes insane. When the older said he wanted to flirt him, he really did; without listening the fact that he doesn’t like a guy. When Jinyoung run away, Mark immediately followed. That boy always complains that he is so mean. Huh. Mark doesn’t even notice that he is the one who usually force him to do what he wants without listening to him. Doesn’t let he says about how naughty Mark’s hands are.

“Jinyoung hyung.” said Yugyeom behind. The crappy Park looks away from the phone screen to the younger, question on his face. The bruise that he punched him last time from gossiping about him and Mark on the younger’s month already fade out.

“What’s up?”

“Coach wants to talk to you.”

Something tell Jinyoung that the storm is coming up. And it’s true. Coach intensely blames him because of his lacking of attention. Captain should spend full time to the team and members, especially with practice. But lately he has been spending a lot of time with Mark instead of putting his mind to his responsibility. He can’t give any excuse to coach since it’s all his fault.

Jinyoung is upset, a lot.

He asks to quit the team because of guilty, but it’s forbidden. Coach gives him another chance. The captain boy slowly walks away from the meeting room. He feels so empty and broken. He glances around the empty field, eyes  are full of sorrow. Football is his dream. But now he’s about to destroy it by himself.

“Why you are so late? Everyone’s gone for hours.” Mark steps in front of his direction. Their eyes meet before the older puts his hand around his waist and pulls him closer. He never care how sweat Jinyoung is. It’s Jinyoung who always repel from him because of embarrassment. But – not today. The crappy Park stands still, doesn’t try to flee away or complain anything. Mark already knows something must happen.

“What’s wrong?”

Jinyoung turns his head to see Mark. The guy’s face is shining in the spotlight. Since when Mark has come into his life,he feels like his life doesn’t belong to him as it seems anymore.

“Crying?”

Crying?

He doesn’t even know that his tear is falling. Mark gently wipes his eyes. That action even makes him more confused. All of what Mark has been doing to him seems like an unanswerable equation. Its result maybe an infinity, or else a zero. Everything is possible now.

“The crappy Park is really crappy, isn’t he?”

But at that moment, Jinyoung doesn’t give a sh*t what the answer of that equation will be. He is in a trouble because of Mark. He should hate that guy, who distract him from doing his dream, for everything and anything. Jinyoung used to think that he could easily cut the older out like when he rip an unwanted page from a notebook. In the end, there’s an important evidence that shows he absolutely can’t: tear.

“Yes, you are. You can’t even hold your tear back. It’s okay. Mark hyung will buy you an ice-cream then.”

“Jerk.”

Mark may be just the one who walks by in the time Jinyoung is weak and needs someone. His gentle touch reminds him to his father’s when he was young. His kiss at the eye is also alike his mother’s when he cried. Mark is a troublemaker, is a reason why he is crying right here and now, but Jinyoung can’t even move from his warm embrace.

“Let’s get home.”

Or else, it’s Jinyoung who starting like Mark for real.

 

 

Tonight, Mark brings him to his condominium. It’s not the first time Jinyoung comes here, but he still feels antsy. The room’s owner makes an easy dinner for them two, shows him his works and jokes around until Jinyoung eventually laughs and feels better.

Mark is so kind.

He let the boy pecks at his eyes for saying goodnight. But when Mark is about to leave, it’s Jinyoung who grab his wrist. The older raise his brows. That even makes Jinyoung more jumble. His mind and brain are fighting to take control over his own body.

Jinyoung doesn’t like a man, but, “Can you stay with me tonight?” his lips bid a beg. He is truly weak now.

“I shouldn’t.” Mark softly refuses, “I’m not sure whether I can control myself.”

His eyes meet Mark’s. Why doesn’t he know what the other guy mean. He let go of Mark’s wrist and stay quite.

“Get a rest dear captain.” Mark gently touches his hair before heading back to living room. Jinyoung suddenly runs to him.

He’s extremely lost.

“Kiss me.”

Mark looks into his eyes, compress his lips then says, “You just feel insecure Jinyoung-ah.”

“Mark.”

Jinyoung doesn’t know how desire he sounds until Mark pulls him close and lean his lips on his. This is the very first kiss that Jinyoung is willing to kiss back. Both of them are lost in a mad passion. Until his back touches the white sheet on the bed, Mark sneaks off his lips and looks at him again, eyes full of question, but Jinyoung doesn’t say anything.

“Are you sure?”

His answer is pulling him down and giving him another passionately kiss.

Jinyoung doesn’t like a guy.
But maybe, Mark Tuan is an exception.

 


 

Jinyoung wakes up in the next morning after decided to let a deep relationship between Mark and him happen. He still lays in bed, thinks about what happened last night, before flashing a smile. He turns his head to the right side of the bed to see the other boy and finds that Mark has gone.
The captan suddenly feels frightened. He runs around the room to find Mark, without caring his hurt from a love game last night.

“Hey what’s up? Anything scary happen? Why your face is like this?” Mark who makes a breakfast in the kitchen turns around to see him and is questioning, eyes amusing.

Jinyoung doesn’t know why his eyes are filled with tear again. He must watch too much drama that he think Mark will leave him behind after had him all.

Idiot.

“Take a bath and come eat breakfast.” The older orders. Jinyoung nods. But before he leaves the kitchen Mark calls him again. “Wait! Come here.”

Not sure why the boy calls, but still walk to anyway. Mark then peck his lips and explains,

“Morning Kiss.”

Just like that, Jinyoung immediately runs to the restroom and buries himself because of embarrassment for hour.

 


 

Mark looks at his watch on the left wrist. Until the minute hand is at twelve and hour hand is at ten, the bell significantly rings. He puts his mug down and lazily walks to open the door, no hesitate the time to check who the guests are.

In front of him, Youngjae, Jackson and Hanbin stand there with an exciting face.

“Hope it’s worth waking up for.” Hanbin states and walks into the room without waiting for the owner’s permission. Jackson winks for greeting and follows. Only Youngjae who still stands there.

“Won’t you come in?” Mark asks.

Youngjae smirks then pat his shoulder. “I’m type of good guess.”

Mark chuckles and lets his close friend in. He sees all three guys make themselves at home, smile never leave his face. “Coffee?”

“Where is your partner?” Hanbin doesn’t even waste any time to refuse his offer. That guy looks around the room to find ‘a reason’ that makes them come here.

Mark points to his bedroom’s direction, simply replies. “Take a bath.”

Jackson puts a piece of bread off his month then jumps up to sit on the counter. His eyes are full of confusion that makes Mark a bit frustrates. He then asks, “Any question?”

“I have millions.” Jackson exaggerates to let Mark know he’s now dizzy with what has happened. The leader of the Basketball team seriously stares at his close friend. “I’ve heard that you’d been dating a guy.

All the room goes silence.

If Mark dating someone was the 8th of the wonder of the world, To date with a guy would follow by the 9th continual. Mark never dated anyone for almost seven years since he lost his girlfriend in a car accident. After that event, his world had split into two parts; One was the world that full of everyone, another was the world that he only knew. Hanbin once satirized that it was not the world. Mark’s soul was just frozen in the iceberg at the north pole, lonely and cold that even penguin can’t be alive. Mark never melted himself down before.

And then Mark suddenly disappeared from the first world.

Nobody knew exactly what he’d been doing. The boy asked them not to follow him, not to find out what he was planning. He would tell everyone himself in the end. But he might forgot a fact that he’s celebrity. Everything was surely caught and seen. They all knew from the start that where Mark’s been to and who he was with since the chat had leaked lately. But they decided not to speak anything until Mark would make it himself. In this uncertain world, the three boys are the ones that Mark can trust 100 percent.

At the moment Youngjae knew who was his friend dating with, he used to think Mark might just try something new and got bored in a short time as usual. 2 weeks was the time that he’d expected in his mind, but Mark completely broke his own statics. Their relation is still going on until now. Furthermore, Youngjae never seen Mark’s eyes are as bright as this time since seven years ago.

That’s why they all were excited to the max when Mark invited them to come here this morning.

“Mark,” Youngjae calls after he’s lost in his world again.

Mark murmurs, “Umm.”

“Are you serious?” Hanbin goes straight to the point.

“Yep,” He either. Not only his words that show he is serious in this relation, his eyes also.

But before everything sinks into the silent world again, Jackson raises his voice. “With Park Jinyoung? Hey Mark! That’s boy is absolutely suck. Don’t you know his name? It’s crappy Park. Crappy, Mark, crappy!”

“Jinyoung is good in the way he is. Stop saying like this.” Mark defends, eyes on the door then sigh. “I hope you keep a manner to my boyfriend.”

“Why do I?” Jackson swears under his breath. For him, Mark can date anyone in this world, but Park crappy Jinyoung. That boy ain’t nothing compares to his friend. “You must go insane.”

Mark decants some coffee into the mug and hands to Jackson. His too gentle smile makes Youngjae’s goose bump.

“Because he is the owner of my heart.

 


 

 

Jinyoung nearly drops his towel down when he comes in the kitchen. His eyes wide open before shouting out. “Shit! Jackson!”

He turns his head to the older, asking for an answer why his no.1 enemy and two mysterious boys are in the room right now.

Mark grins back, “They’re my friends.”

Jinyoung never knows that Mark and Jackson are a friend. Actually, he knows none of his friends. He feels weird. His stomach swirls. The truth that Mark’s friend suddenly appear after they had sex last night is hurting him now. His imagine already soars high to the Mars, but his legs are still standing on the 34th floor of Mark’s luxury condominium which ready to subside if Mark says that it was all a bet.

“You look super cute today Ji-nyoung ah~” Jackson greets him with an annoying voice as usual.

This is not the first time that Jackson tries to tease him. But this is the first time he’s not in a mood to punch him back. He’s absolutely stunned right now. Jackson stares at him with knowing eyes. He hates that. He hates the fact that Jackson knows what he and Mark were doing last night. And what he hates more is white and thin shirt which he wears now. Everyone can see hickeys on his body too easily.

“Shut up!” The tall boy with snapback bawls at Jackson, then turns to him, eyes him from head to toes. That scanning action makes Jinyoung feel uncomfortable.

“Don’t look at him like that.” The blond guy pokes his friend and smiles back at him with sorry eyes. “I’m Youngjae. This is Hanbin. And that jerk is Jackson.”

No greeting word leaves Jinyoung’s month. To care about manner doesn’t seem important as much as to care his own feeling. He glares at Mark who stands still beside the refrigerator. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” The older nods and follows him to into bedroom.

When he’s sure there’s only them, Jinyoung starts talking with an angry voice. “What is this?”

“What?”

“Why do your friends are here now? Okay, I know this is your private room. You have a full right to invite whoever. But, shit, why it gotta be today, after our first night!?”

He never dreamt about the romantic day after their first night like a series drama in television, but damn, to wake up and has to face a rival is in your room is such a nightmare. Jinyoung confesses that he’s now afraid. He likes Mark. Yes, he likes – but still not very much. He’s not ready to let anybody know about their relationship. Man and man. A secret love that shouldn’t happen in Korean social. Jinyoung doesn’t want to live his life as anyone’s hostage, especially Wang Jackson.

The older embraces him softly. His chin is on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. Forgive me, please?”

“Then tell me why they are here.”

Mark sighs, blushes. “I just… want to let my friends know I already have a boyfriend.”

“Serious?” He snickers when he knows a reason. Jinyoung turns around to meet Mark. The older boy looks a bit anxious. But all above that, it’s full of love and affection. He swallows and asks himself back if he loves him as much as the other do.

The answer is No.
His feeling is nothing compares to Mark’s which give to him.

“But why it has to be today? Can’t you wait until the day I’m ready and dress well?” Jinyoung murmurs., not mad at his lover anymore. And then he realizes that some question has an effect to stop his breath. Mark leans his lips against his as long as he can do before draws away with a sad look in his eyes.
“Because I have to go Jinyoung. Time’s out.”

 


 

“Brilliant! We’re top form now. We’ll definitely be a champion this season I bet all my life. Okay, boys. Let’s go home.” Shouted coach, voice sounds happiest in many years. The man beams at his team members before goes straight to the captain. “Hey, Jinyoung. You’ve been working hard lately. Very good, though. If you were at this point since the last two years, we would have been King Park, instead of The crappy one.”  Jinyoung smiles widely at the older’s joke. He blows then goes to keep the balls inside the room.

“You should have some rest hyung. You’ve been practicing real hard lately.” Yugyeom sounds concern when he looks at Jinyoung changes the clothes.

“Thanks. But I have a meet with Jaebum at a bar today. Interested?”

“Thank you, hyung.” The younger shakes his head. Yugyeom looks like he has some questions but still holds them in.

Jinyoung raises his brows then asks, “Anything’s wrong?”

“Umm,” The giant baby fights with himself if he should ask his hyung. But he finally mutters, “I haven’t seen Mark hyung lately. Did he stop picking you up?” Yugyeom swears if he knew before that his words would shed the other’s smile, he would definitely not ask that stupid question.

“Hey hey I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine. See you.” Jinyoung presses his lips to hold his tear then walk away from the waiting room as quick as he can. He speeds up when his mind starts thinking about the other boy who absents for a month. This is the hardest time ever in his life. He doesn’t even know how he runs to the Architecture faculty until Youngjae’s voice raises up. “Jinyoung? Ah, it’s you.”

“Hi.” His voice sounds awkward because their first meet wasn’t that impressed. That day after Jinyoung and Mark came out from the bedroom, all of them were gone already.

“Mark isn’t here.”

“I know,” He replies softly, ignores the others’ curious eyes.

Youngjae glares at him then turns to his friends to leave him here. When there’s only he and him left, the older asks him to has some drink and, of course, he doesn’t refuse.

“Mark hates Americano of this cafe so much. He said it tasted like hell.” Youngjae grins while handing Jinyoung a cup of coffee. He murmurs thanks then tastes it himself. The sour of coffee makes his face contort. He now agrees with Mark.

“Mark had disappeared for a month.” Youngjae starts a conversation.

He sighs, nods. “Has he contacted anyone?”

“Once,” Youngjae says the truth. “I thought he would call you. He didn’t?”

Jinyoung stays silent. Not surprised at all why Mark never called him.

 

 

“What do you mean?” Jinyoung frowns. Doesn’t understand what other boy tries to say.

Mark lowers his eyes and sits on the bed. “I have to go back to England next week.”

“How long?”

He pressed his lips tightly, voice pain. “Maybe…forever.”

His ‘forever’ made the listener stunned right there. His heart dropped on the floor. There was only silent between them. No word left anybody’s lips. Until a moment that seemed to be an eternity, Jinyoung finally managed a reply, “Then go.”

Mark looked up to his face, eyes mixed with many feeling. “It sounds selfish, but, can you go with me?”

“Insane?” He immediately replied, was trying to swallow and holding his tear back. “I still have my mom to take care of.”

Mark’s eyes looked obviously sad. Jinyoung confessed that he was now out of mind. He didn’t know how to manage it. Or what he should had done. He asked his heart if he really dares to tell the world that he was dating Mark, the answer turned out unsurprisingly no. So he eventually let go of the latter’s hands – the hands that he never thought he would hold from the start.

“Mark, just go.”

The older stood up, eyes pain. “Jinyoung…”

“That’s fine. And about last night… let’s think it’s just a dream.”

 

And Mark really disappear.
No message, No Kakao notifications, No more the car engine’s sound in front of his home.

‘You were just too weak that night.’ He keeps telling himself when he starts missing another boy. Teenager and sex are an ordinary thing. To experience something new doesn’t a big deal.

Jinyoung should be glad that he has his life back. No more being forced to do whatever he doesn’t want. He has time for friends and is able to swear again. He needs not to wake up early to help mama cook a breakfast for that one who always come to pick him up.

Jinyoung should have been glad.
But his tear droped down every time he saw Coco.

Mask has gone. Without any good reason why he has to go away this far. The older came like the wind, and also went by like the wind. Nothing left here except the warm feeling in the heart.
No one is as cruel as Mark.
And Jinyoung really means it. He used to live alone and was happy with it. Until one day Mark came and tamed him by putting himself into his life. Will the boy know that he can’t get back to live that lonely life like before? Not anymore.
“Tissue?”
Jinyoung is confused by Youngjae’s word until his tear drops on his palm. He doesn’t even know he is crying. He never feels this weak before. Jinyoung used to be one of the strongest people. He can stand everyone’s hatred, but he easily cried out for Mark so many times, without an ability to control himself.
Human’s feeling has a limit. And his is finally come to the end.

“What the fuck Mark is!” He shouts out loud, doesn’t bother anyone’s eyes anymore. He’s now confused like crazy.

Youngjae hands him a tissue and says, “Say it.”

“I never liked any other boy. Not at all. Then he came and said that he liked me, forced me everything; no bad words, no sleep late, no alcohol. If I didn’t obey then he punished me by kissing. If I ran away, I’d follow up.” Jinyoung is sobbing hard. He always thinks of Mark and their story for months. Since the first day they met, until now, Jinyoung still doesn’t figure out why Mark choose him? Why did Mark come to him? Who is truly Mark? Mark knows everything about him, but he knows nothing about the latter.

But he still falls in love with the stranger anyway.

“Mark got me used to the life having him beside, then he easily went away. Didn’t he know how hard I had to fight with myself in that night? How am I ask him to stay with me since I still don’t sure what my feeling for him is? He doesn’t even give me a time to think about it.”

“Jinyoung, calm down.” Youngjae touches his hand softly like to soothe him. Jinyoung never lost his control like this before.

“Well, it’s my fault too that I didn’t beg him not leaving since he had asked me too. But you know me, would you dare to do that?”

Jinyoung then sincerely exposes whatever on his mind. Youngjae looks at the younger with pity eyes. The captain boy never tells anyone about his feeling before even his close friends. He’s too scared of what people will think of him. Youngjae let him say while tapping the table along. Until Jinyoung looks calmer, he then sighs and asks, “So, how do you feel about Mark now?”

Jinyoung tried hard to hold his sob, “It took me so long to know my genuine feeling, As the day I knew it’s love, I already lost him.”

Youngjae bites his lips. He thinks something Jinyoung doesn’t know in his mind, then stands up, voice sounds serious. “Come with me. There’s something you should know.”

“Where will we go?”

Youngjae licks his lips again, eyes low, doesn’t dare enough to look into the younger’s eyes, “Graveyard”

 


 

Jinyoung never like to come to the graveyard. It’s always full of depressing feeling that makes him uncomfortable. And now it’s getting much more since Youngjae doesn’t tell whom he takes him to meet.
His heart clenches in a chest. He only prays that it’s not Mark. He’s not ready to lose him forever.
Youngjae stops at one grave which stands out from the other. It’s full of fresh flowers that bring his mood up a bit. Jinyoung stares at the gravestone, tries to read the name.

‘Un Kyu Jong’

It’s not Mark.

He sighs in relief, then turns his head to Youngjae, asking him why the older brings him here.

Youngjae stands still, his voice sounds breaking when he starts speaking next more minutes, “Kyujong is Mark’s lover. She died in car accident 7 years ago.”

Jinyoung swallows, the feeling when he sees the gravestone is changed immediately. He knows a little that Mark has an unforgettable love life. But he still doesn’t get why Youngjae needs them to meet each other.

“Have you ever had an operation?” Out of nowhere, Youngjae asks it out loud, eyes still strain at the grave like he also loses in his own memories. Jinyoung nods, murmurs a reply. The older then turns his face to him. His bitter smile is performing on his mount. “The chance to find the right heart that fits perfectly with another patient is very low, but her fits yours like a miracle.

Jinyoung is suddenly stunned by those words.

He had a heart disease since he was young. Until he finally had an operation after waiting for the compatible heart for many years – exactly 7 years. Mama told him that he still survives because of the Goddess of Mercy. He completely forgets that every take has to give. But Jinyoung never knows who the former of his heart is until today.

The boy places his hand on the left chest. His heart is beating fast like to din in who keeping him alive.

Youngjae looks into his eyes, “Kyujong is still living in you.”

Why did Mark come to him?

The answer that Jinyoung tries to find out is simply unfolded: Mark just comes to find his heart back.

The simple reason that softly kills Jinyoung alive.

 

 


 

– TBC –

sorry for short and late update. I’ve been busy these days. Enjoy the story~

– J –

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